Healing as Reversal

In thinking of how God is continuing to teach me who I am this semester (and making me more ok with that every day!) I thought of something I posted on Facebook a few months ago that I thought was appropriate to re-post here. It was after I got a letter to myself from my missions retreat last Spring. Here's a quote from the letter:


"Every one of [your team members], with their individual laughs and smiles and hugs are gifts to you... I think by now you'll have seen the impact God chose them to have on your life. Already, they have shown me (or are beginning to show me) the okay-ness and rightness of my own laughter. They are showing me the okay-ness in my own voice, my own prayer, my own body, and hands, and my own way of having fun. I haven't felt like a child in a long time, but I feel like one now... You know, when you were told you can't play, it was a lie. When you were told you can't act, it was a lie. When you were told you can't dance, it was a lie. [God] loves to see you laugh. He loves your voice. He loves your quietness. He just loves." 

Not only did I read this right after a conversation with my mom about being able to be a child while I'm at home (woah!) but it immediately made me think of a prayer that I wrote in Darjeeling, a prayer I believe was not possible until this trip with those 9 wonderful friends: 

Precious Lord, 
You are a reminder of my non-invisibility. 
You show me how right and ok it is to be loved. 
You are the One whose mark of love I wish to be upon me 
And whose love I trust will never leave. 
You teach me the right kind of laughter, 
the kind that doesn't necessarily turn into tears. 
You are the hand that holds me above my enemies 
And you lock my gaze so that I do not see their faces any longer. 
You are my fortress! 
And the company that I keep there. 
You are full of good conversations and hilarious jokes. 
You are the light that beckons me thru the darkness. 
I don't see the darkness any longer, because 
You are my healer. 
No other healer would I rather have than You, 
For You are my God. 
You are the overarching and all-encompassing sky that I look into, and cannot see the end of. 
You have made me with skillful hands 
And You have made a universe to hold us. 
You are holding us. 
You are reaching to us. 
And you are among us, 
The love that knits us together. 
Amen. 
(6-10-10) 

Maybe when God heals us, it is a process of making us children again. Maybe when He saves us, it is the process of remembering our first love, the love that all of us had as little children, when our eyes weren't clouded with pain and disappointment and lies. God is making me remember who I knew Him to be as a child, because He is making me into a child again. Praise God for friends that we can be children with. I am so amazed at His healing hand.


I have a feeling that from here on out I'll be free to get excited about my life, and what I want to do with it. Like I could run up to God and get really excited about my new plans, like I did to my parents when I was little and decided I wanted to write a book, or go to India and feed hungry children, or be a famous singer. I really really hope that's true. I know I still have a long way to go, but I am so encouraged to see how FAR He has brought me in His freedom and love!! Praise the Lord. :)